Have you ever found yourself completely drained of optimism? All you want to do is give up. You can't decide if you want to throw a tantrum or curl up and bawl your eyes out or both.
I'm just so fed up. :o(
I've tried to stay positive. I really have. I've tried joking about it hoping a sense of humor would keep me sane. But I'm at the end of my rope...
I've never been this frustrated in my life. I'm starting to understand why my mother acts the way she does sometimes. It's difficult to be cheerful when shit is always going wrong. And growing up in the Johnson household, well, shit ALWAYS went wrong.
Rhett has been trying so hard lately to get my car back together. He got so close, but then one little thing went wrong, and now it's a huge ordeal. Everything seems to be working against me where this car is concerned. I've reached a point where joking about it being cursed, joking about setting it on fire, joking about it period is just pointless. It doesn't help matters. I'm tired of joking about it. My sense of humor about the situation has finally come to an end. I just want it done. I want the car drivable and no longer anyone else's concern but my own. I hate that it's making Rhett so upset, I hate that we keep trying to find people to blame, I hate having to beg rides off people, I hate it's keeping Rhett from getting the other cars fixed. Had I known it was going to be a continual problem, I would have told Rhett to go check on fixing the Audi rather than fighting with my car. Hindsight is 20/20, right?
I'm just tired. Frustrated. Fed up. And there is no way to get out from under this mess. All we can do is keep fighting it. It's tiresome listening to people tell me, "oh, it'll get fixed eventually" or "it'll workout somehow." Listening to everyone's well-wishing vagueries is just as frustrating and only fuels my rage toward my car situation. At this point, I don't want to hear about how it'll work out eventually! I just want it to be done! I just want SOMETHING, ANYTHING go right and just be done. It's not even anyone's fault. Shit just happens. But just once I'd like things to go smoothly. For things to work out as they should. Just once. Is that really too much to ask? Honestly, I was fine waiting on my car to be fixed as long as I had a car to drive. I can't even get that much to go right.
I'm completely helpless. I can't fix my own car. I can't afford to have it taken somewhere to be a paid professional's headache instead of Rhett's.
I'm just tired of it all. So tired.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Blaaaaaah...........................SQUIRREL!
Yeah, so I'm tired of constantly being in a pissy mood lately. I don't know why I find myself in such a funk, but perhaps it has to do with the following:
My job is a rut I can't bring myself to get out of, but at the same time, I'm not sure I really want out of my job. I do like it here for the most part, but I wish it was possible to make more money doing it. It's difficult to get a raise when you're only an administrative assistant with a college degree that doesn't mean shit in the construction business.
Or maybe it's all these car problems that keep surfacing. Rhett and I currently have three non-working vehicles between us. Granted, my car is finally being put back together, but it always seems to be something else. I had to order yet ANOTHER part yesterday. It's always something, isn't it? I don't like not having my car...or any car for that matter. But being without MY car for the last 4+ months doesn't improve my mood at all. My car is one of my major possessions that contributes to my sense of indepence. When I find myself suddenly dependent upon others for what was once my basic freedom--driving--I'm left feeling deflated and listless. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm antsy as well to have my car working like it is suppose to. I know how grateful I'll be to have my car back and how much I will appreciate my Vera though once she is up and running again.
I don't know. In retrospect, my problems aren't horrible. It's nothing that won't remedy itself eventually. We're working on the cars, and my job is what it is. I'm lucky to have a job at all. Especially one with decent benefits and a 401(k) plan.
You see! I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to look on the bright side of life. So, why can't I seem to shake this crappy mood?
SNOWMAGEDDON!
Ha! I love that "word." Thanks to one of Rhett's car buddies Cathy for that little jewel she wrote in an e-mail Rhett forwarded to me yesterday.
But I really think all this snow, mid-winter crap is reeking havoc on my state of mind. Seriously. We're about halfway through winter, and it snows at least once a week lately. I like snow. I really do. But after so long, it becomes ridiculous the amount of snow we keep getting. It's hindering my ability to get to work--and not having a car doesn't help much in that department (but I'm grateful to Angie for being a trooper and hauling me to work most of this week...I know she gets tired of being a chauffer service).
All in all, I'm hoping by writing most of this down, I'll start to vent it out of my system and begin to better my mood.
On a lighter note...
I purchased "Just Dance" and Wii Sports Resort yesterday and played them last night after a night out drinkin' with some of my bestest buddies. :o) Just Dance is a hoot, but I'm mildly disturbed that Jenson has better rhythm than I do or his wife does. I'd blame the drinking for my lack of coordination, but Joellen hadn't been drinking, and Matt still could whoop her butt too. LOL Regardless, as Ted and Clarissa discovered, Just Dance is a good work out. I'm hoping I'll like it so much I'll be more inclined to play it--unlike my Wii Fit Plus I haven't been on in a month--more often and get a bit of exercise. It would be good for me to start dropping a few pounds at least. Especially since I will eventually have to start shopping for a wedding dress.
So, on a really excited note...
I'm getting married! That is certainly something worth being in a good mood about. Thinking about the wedding and making plans makes me excited for the big day (September 24, 2011). It seems so far away, yet anything sooner seems too soon. I'm so happy and excited to be marrying Rhett that I don't even let the idea of coming up with the money to pay for the wedding bother me much. I figure we will pay for things as necessary and work out a reasonable budget. We've already found a few ways to save some cash. Rhett has DJ equipment, and we have wonderful friends willing to step in to help out there. I am not without skill in graphic design, so I can design and print our invitations, programs, etc. That should save us a little cash as well.
Our biggest hurdle currently is just figuring out where to have the ceremony and where to have the reception. Once we settle on venues, we can budget the cost and begin paying for it. The sooner we do this, the better off we will be. Then I can concentrate on my wedding dress and paying for that. It's all going to come together in the end. It's just one step at a time.
I'm super excited!
My job is a rut I can't bring myself to get out of, but at the same time, I'm not sure I really want out of my job. I do like it here for the most part, but I wish it was possible to make more money doing it. It's difficult to get a raise when you're only an administrative assistant with a college degree that doesn't mean shit in the construction business.
Or maybe it's all these car problems that keep surfacing. Rhett and I currently have three non-working vehicles between us. Granted, my car is finally being put back together, but it always seems to be something else. I had to order yet ANOTHER part yesterday. It's always something, isn't it? I don't like not having my car...or any car for that matter. But being without MY car for the last 4+ months doesn't improve my mood at all. My car is one of my major possessions that contributes to my sense of indepence. When I find myself suddenly dependent upon others for what was once my basic freedom--driving--I'm left feeling deflated and listless. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm antsy as well to have my car working like it is suppose to. I know how grateful I'll be to have my car back and how much I will appreciate my Vera though once she is up and running again.
I don't know. In retrospect, my problems aren't horrible. It's nothing that won't remedy itself eventually. We're working on the cars, and my job is what it is. I'm lucky to have a job at all. Especially one with decent benefits and a 401(k) plan.
You see! I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to look on the bright side of life. So, why can't I seem to shake this crappy mood?
SNOWMAGEDDON!
Ha! I love that "word." Thanks to one of Rhett's car buddies Cathy for that little jewel she wrote in an e-mail Rhett forwarded to me yesterday.
But I really think all this snow, mid-winter crap is reeking havoc on my state of mind. Seriously. We're about halfway through winter, and it snows at least once a week lately. I like snow. I really do. But after so long, it becomes ridiculous the amount of snow we keep getting. It's hindering my ability to get to work--and not having a car doesn't help much in that department (but I'm grateful to Angie for being a trooper and hauling me to work most of this week...I know she gets tired of being a chauffer service).
All in all, I'm hoping by writing most of this down, I'll start to vent it out of my system and begin to better my mood.
On a lighter note...
I purchased "Just Dance" and Wii Sports Resort yesterday and played them last night after a night out drinkin' with some of my bestest buddies. :o) Just Dance is a hoot, but I'm mildly disturbed that Jenson has better rhythm than I do or his wife does. I'd blame the drinking for my lack of coordination, but Joellen hadn't been drinking, and Matt still could whoop her butt too. LOL Regardless, as Ted and Clarissa discovered, Just Dance is a good work out. I'm hoping I'll like it so much I'll be more inclined to play it--unlike my Wii Fit Plus I haven't been on in a month--more often and get a bit of exercise. It would be good for me to start dropping a few pounds at least. Especially since I will eventually have to start shopping for a wedding dress.
So, on a really excited note...
I'm getting married! That is certainly something worth being in a good mood about. Thinking about the wedding and making plans makes me excited for the big day (September 24, 2011). It seems so far away, yet anything sooner seems too soon. I'm so happy and excited to be marrying Rhett that I don't even let the idea of coming up with the money to pay for the wedding bother me much. I figure we will pay for things as necessary and work out a reasonable budget. We've already found a few ways to save some cash. Rhett has DJ equipment, and we have wonderful friends willing to step in to help out there. I am not without skill in graphic design, so I can design and print our invitations, programs, etc. That should save us a little cash as well.
Our biggest hurdle currently is just figuring out where to have the ceremony and where to have the reception. Once we settle on venues, we can budget the cost and begin paying for it. The sooner we do this, the better off we will be. Then I can concentrate on my wedding dress and paying for that. It's all going to come together in the end. It's just one step at a time.
I'm super excited!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Beginning Mutterings
I'm suppose to be working.
I'm not. I'm blogging on my new blog.
It's a good thing I don't have a fear of getting fired, even though that could be a possibility, but after some of the shit other employees have committed and gotten away with, I'm seriously not in much danger at all.
I get my work done... I just procrastinate it until it absolutely needs to be done most of the time.
Seriously. I'm a good employee. I just work for a really laid-back company.
Anyway, I suppose there isn't much to report exactly except that I am excited for my upcoming camping trip for Baxter Fun Days this weekend. I have my doubts it will have as good a turnout as last year's excursion--partly due to the absence of my best friend Sarah this year--but perhaps we will not be too hungover on Saturday to actually have fun this year and make the Street Dance in town. Then again, if I get bored Friday night, I may be drunk anyway. It's happened before.
I'm not. I'm blogging on my new blog.
It's a good thing I don't have a fear of getting fired, even though that could be a possibility, but after some of the shit other employees have committed and gotten away with, I'm seriously not in much danger at all.
I get my work done... I just procrastinate it until it absolutely needs to be done most of the time.
Seriously. I'm a good employee. I just work for a really laid-back company.
Anyway, I suppose there isn't much to report exactly except that I am excited for my upcoming camping trip for Baxter Fun Days this weekend. I have my doubts it will have as good a turnout as last year's excursion--partly due to the absence of my best friend Sarah this year--but perhaps we will not be too hungover on Saturday to actually have fun this year and make the Street Dance in town. Then again, if I get bored Friday night, I may be drunk anyway. It's happened before.
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